"it" just moved
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
