Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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