just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
