Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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