Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
