I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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