the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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