I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
