I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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