So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
