i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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