can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
