ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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