I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dick very happy bro
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize