Yo dont text me then not text me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
