So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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