I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
