he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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