Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
