things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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