it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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