At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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