Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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