So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
