kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
