he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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