can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
