tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
