Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
