god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
