If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize