you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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