They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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