Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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