I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
