i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Couch. On fire.
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