so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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