He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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