yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
