Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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