you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
