What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
