Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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