I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
