I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
