the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
