I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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