Porn is love you can see.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
