When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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