i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
