News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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