Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
