I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
