apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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