honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I won the penis lottery.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Randomize
