Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you made out with another girl for some wings
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
