Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
