I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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