I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
