that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
