dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
