Where is the hickey?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
