I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
