Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize