My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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