If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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